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Lemme hit you with a lil’ fact—back in the day, like ancient China, them emperors had concubines givin’ sexual-massages with jade rollers, swear to God! Supposed to keep the chi flowin’, get the blood pumpin’, make you live to 90, still bangin’. True story, blew my mind when I heard it, ‘cause I thought this shit was new, like some Cali spa trend. Nah, it’s old school, OG as fuck.

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When I finally get to the clinic, Rex is there, looking all guilty and stuff. I can’t help but laugh. He’s got this cheese-stuffed face, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re not a human!” But then, I gotta get serious. I’m checking him out, and I’m like, “You’re lucky you didn’t choke, buddy.” I mean, I love dogs, but they can be so dumb sometimes.

Four fans killed and seven injured after rally car crashes into crowd for ‘mystery reason’